Weddings, Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, and funerals are rituals that make us slow down and have deeper, more profound life experiences. They help us celebrate the good times and heal from the bad times.
In marriage, we also need rituals to deal with trying times and to increase the passion and aliveness in your intimate relationship.
The rituals I am about to discuss are best done on a daily or at least almost daily basis:
1. Before you get started on your busy day, cuddle in bed.
Even if you have a baby who is crying; after you attend to the baby, take 30 seconds to a minute (or more) to touch and hold your partner. Starting your day like this really sets the tone of your intimate relationship.
2. Pause at least a few times during your workday to text or call your partner to let them know that you are thinking of them.
You can be humorous, flirtatious, or just plain interested in what is happening in your partner’s world. Then, get back to work if need be.
3. Have a 10-minute “feelings” talk every day or evening.
During these 10 minutes, your focus is on each other’s inner experiences rather than each other’s to-do list. This is not a time to make plans. You can do that in the 11th minute if you really need to. These 10 minutes can be used to explore the pain that either person may be experiencing or the pleasant feelings as well.
I have helped many couples develop and commit to these rituals that have transformed their relationship, even couples who have been stuck for years or decades.
Seemingly miraculous things happen between a couple when new, positive behavior patterns are developed. Why not your relationship?