We may see the world around us at all times, but it’s not until we start to feel it that we truly sense the living spark. When we watch a movie, it’s not the scenes we see but the emotions they evoke that make us laugh, cry, ponder, understand, etc. We must feel all that we do – even become intimate with it – in order to absorb its meaning fully. And this holds true in relationships; we may be physically attracted to someone, but only when we hold a meaningful conversation with that person can we grasp their way of thinking.
The magic of intimacy is that it can be of the soul. To be intimate simply means to be empathetically in tune with your partner, feeling their fears, desires, wishes, and needs as if they were your own.
Practise these six secrets of emotional intimacy to heighten the potential of your relationship and rekindle the intimacy of your loving bond:
1. Joint visualisations
Skilful daydreaming is a fine spiritual tool.
Hold your partner’s hand and close your eyes as you take turns speaking out loud about your dreams coming true. You can say things like, “I see us walking into our brand new home. It’s a big, brick house with a garden in front,” or whatever it is you both want to achieve. Make it a nightly or weekly habit. Joint visualisations are an amazing bonding ritual that inspires you both to strive towards mutual goals.
2. Reinforce your love
There are two ways to say “I love you”: half-heartedly and wholeheartedly. Never speak love in vain.
When you do tell your partner you love them, mean it and demonstrate the fervour behind your words. This means speaking a full and excited “I love you” instead of a hurried “love ya”.
3. Pay attention to body language
Pay attention to your partner’s breathing, when they sigh, if they cross their legs, where they hold their hands, etc. Most movements are subconscious but every single one is for a reason. When you note small, inadvertent movements you can decipher your partner’s comfort level and understand what situations cause them to feel unease.
In time, you can come to know what your partner is thinking just by watching the way they hold themselves.
4. Make eye contact
There may be times when you want to avoid looking your partner in the eye, especially when they’ve made you upset or angry. Even in these moments, bear in mind that nothing is as effective at conveying (or betraying!) your sentiments as eye contact. Words may reach the brain but an eyeful glance trickles down to the soul.
Get into the habit of looking your partner in the eye when you address them to lock in the potency of your words!
5. Engage in quality conversation
I stress the word “quality” here. Anyone can say “hi, how are you, I’m fine”, but not everyone can maintain a mindful dialogue.
Complain less and ask more.
Ask questions of importance to your partner to help them open up, but don’t make the conversation seem like an interview. Ask one relevant question, then let them talk as much (or as little) as they want. Listen to their tone, their word choice, their hesitation at certain moments, etc.
They may be trying to tell you how something makes them feel, but may have trouble letting it out. Subconsciously, their tone is reflecting their emotions about a specific topic.
Consider the overall quality of your conversations: Are you speaking enough and if so, what is the root of your dialogue? Are you reaching helpful conclusions together, or harmful conclusions against each other? The correct type of speech can be very progressive, as it inspires, resolves, and offers brand new perspective. When all else fails, simply ask, “How do you feel?”
6. Be emotional
I usually advise my female clients to be less emotional to improve their relationship. Negative emotions like rage or neediness should be subdued for the sake of your relationship, yes, but positive emotions must be experienced in totality. Joy, enthrallment, passion, pleasure, and comfort- these emotions should be captured in their greatest spectrum. Dismiss your shyness and forgo the fear of becoming too vulnerable. Simply share incredible sentiments together.
Far surpassing physical intimacy, emotional intimacy is the glue of any love relationship. It’s not only essential to a healthy bond, but it fosters durability, harmony, and stability between two partners.