For men and women in a long-term relationships or marriages, it’s normal for even the happiest of couples to experience a lag in their sex life from time to time. You and your partner might share a generally great life, yet wish you could figure out how to be better in bed and have really good sex together.
You might want sex to be more than a few minutes spent working toward the solitary goal of completing “the act”, and instead, to be able to feel more intimately connected with one another in blissful, orgasmic pleasure. You can try all kinds of fancy sex tips and tricks and sex positions in an effort to make that happen, but if you want to get there in ways that will bring the two of you closer together, it’s all about actively listening to each other — and to yourself as well.
If you want to deeper intimacy and greater pleasure in your relationship, here are 5 expert tips on how to have good sex and be better in bed that will also help you fall even more in love.
1. Get to know what you like most Due to religious and cultural norms, many women still neither value themselves properly, nor do do they know how to give themselves pleasure, let alone how to do so without feelings of guilt or shame.
As a result, they may not feel responsible for their own pleasure, assuming instead that their boyfriend or husband is responsible for their ability to enjoy themselves and have orgasms. When you don’t find that you get what you looking for though, you might think there is something wrong with him.
But imagine — how can he give you satisfaction if you can’t do this for yourself? A woman who knows her body from the inside out will be able to also direct a sexual partner and take charge of her pleasure. When you know what turns you on, you can help your boyfriend to understand how to turn you on.
That’s why the key ingredient to having a great sex life is knowing your own physical body. This will also help you improve communication with your partner, which can substantially increase your comfort in expressing your needs — in or out of the bedroom.
2. Learn to love your body
In order to have better sex with your boyfriend, you need to love your body with all its flaws. That may be a difficult task considering how hard it can be in today’s society to actually feel good about yourself. Given the images women see in the media, on magazines, and entertainment, in general, are overly photo-shopped, it’s hard to really imagine that any flaws you see on yourself are normal.
But the constant drive to look good and be in control impacts women in their self-visualization but also in the bedroom. With lower self-esteem, it’s difficult to feel inner satisfaction. By learning to accept yourself and your flaws, both physical and internal, you are giving yourself the ability to be free in your own body.
3. Stay present
If you want to have better sex, you have to learn how to truly be in your body. And that means you have to be present and tuned into the physical sensations, rather than letting your worries start running through your mind unconsciously. Whatever thoughts that may go on in your head, they are disconnecting you from being present with the feelings in your body and with your partner.
If you’re worried about how you look, stresses at work, any discomforts that you have, or are otherwise focused on anything other than your time with your lover, you might find it difficult to achieve anything pleasurable. By making sure that you’re “present” with him, you’ll maximize all of the sensations you’re creating together.
4. Take things slow
When you slow things down, you can feel what your body truly wants. Learning what you like and how you like it becomes the starting point for intimate communication. When you take things slow, you can communicate feelings and sensations. Explore what it is you truly desire and which ways you do (and don’t) like to be touched.
Asking these questions of yourself requires you to feel instead of think. Once you truly listen to the desires of your body, you’ll be better able to communicate them to your partner in a way they clearly can understand. Remaining fully present takes practice, but it’s well worth the effort.
5. Take turns practicing pleasing each other
Learn how to better please your partner and teach them how they can better please you by setting up a sexual exploration practice. Set a timer for 15 minutes and direct him in how you like to be touched — without having intercourse.
You can then do him the same for him. As a result, you have created a safe environment where you can practice what’s truly important for a better sex life. You can learn to surrender to the feeling of physical sensations, to explore what you want and how you like to be touched for maximum pleasure. This will help you finally express your desires through communication and make your relationship better than it ever was before!