Ever wake up in the AM wondering how things got so steamy during your dreaming hours? “Just because you’re not awake doesn’t mean your libido is taking a rest,” says Susan Block, PhD, a Los Angeles-based sexologist and founder of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences. “Dreams are a way for your subconscious to unpack everything that’s affecting your life, and often, dreams about sex aren’t literal. Instead, they could symbolize problems, desires, and hopes in all facets of your life.”
Paying attention to your sex dreams over time can be a powerful way to get what you want out of your life, says Lauri Loewenberg, dream expert and author of Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life. “Writing your dreams down each morning and looking at your journals for patterns over time can help you see what your subconscious is trying to tell you.” Here, 8 common sex dreams, and what you can learn from them.
Having sex with an acquaintance.
Nope, this doesn’t mean you have any desire to cheat on your significant other with the man who lives next door or the person who makes your morning coffee—it just means that you may admire that person and wish you possessed some of their qualities, or whatever qualities they seem to express in your dream, says Loewenberg. “Sex is the ultimate act of union between two individuals, so when you’re having sex with someone in your dreams, it may mean that you want what they have.”
Getting it on with your boss.
Yes, this dream means you want to get closer with your boss—but not in that way. Because sex is so intimate, it may mean you’re feeling especially distant from your boss’s ideas or management style, and may need to figure out a way to get closer (and not in the type of way that’ll make you blush when you run into each other at the copier!)
Trying to find a private space with a partner.
Dreams of having problems finding a place to have sex can often represent a lack of connection between you and your partner in your day-to-day life. Take a look at your calendar: Are you being busy instead of getting busy most days? It may be time to schedule a date night, says Loewenberg.
Riding a horse.
Photo by Henrik Sorensen/Getty Images
The back-and-forth rocking movement of riding, the physical connection between you and the horse—are you surprised this is another one of those dreams symbolizing doing the deed? It also may be a sign you want to let go a little more between the sheets. Need some ideas? Try these sex bucket list ideas to shake up your routine.
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Having sex in public.
A critical comment about your partner from a friend or family member could spark this embarrassing dream, since being exposed in front of others can be tied to your feelings about how other people see your life and love decisions.
Being completely free, unencumbered, totally giving into physical sensation…sound familiar? “Flying in a dream is closely connected to orgasm,” says Block. A dream about flying could be indicative of frustrations regarding the current state of your own sex life, or could simply be your mind playing its’ subconscious highlight reel.
Sex with a celeb.
Photo by V. Anderson/Getty Images
Hey, you and George Clooney can be single in your subconscious, but as good as the dream-sex may have been, it’s not really about him (sorry, George!). Instead, dreams about having sex with a celebrity may indicate that you seek the spotlight in your own life. Volunteer to spearhead a project at work, speak up with friends and family, or take an improv class (hey, why not?).
Dreaming about an ex.
If this happens every so often, it may simply be your brain sifting through its mental hard drive. Maybe his birthday is coming up, or maybe you saw a Tweet from him in your feed, but it doesn’t mean that he’s the one who got away or that you subconsciously want to get back together. However, if you’re dreaming about him a lot, or are pretty sure those dreams sparked from your hour-long deep dive Google searches of his name, it could be a sign that there are issues in your current relationship that need addressing.