5 Reasons Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex


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Remember when you and your wife were dating? It was really difficult
to keep your hands off each other. You wanted her and she wanted you.
That felt so good. It was awesome. There’s no better feeling than being
desired. After marriage, and particularly after having kids, things have a way of changing. You are still ready to go every night, but she’s
not. What happened? You feel like you rarely have sex anymore, and when
you do it feels like she’s doing you a favor.

You work out, you look good, but it doesn’t make a difference. You’re lost. This whole married sex thing was supposed to be different. Couples counseling might be something to consider for deeper insight.

However, these 5 Reasons Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex will help you understand and show you what to do.

1. She Doesn’t Feel Connected to You.

While we feel more connected to our wives by having sex, our wives need to connect first.
You may have talked with her about daily logistics or superficial
things. She needs more. She wants to be seen, heard, and known. The
disconnect causes her loneliness. It’s like she’s trapped in a dungeon
alone. You need to free her.

Action: Talk to her about her. Find out how she is feeling, her
insecurities, fears, and struggles. Also, share how you are feeling.
Look at her–no distractions. Get tunnel vision for her. “Clear the mechanism.”

2. She Doesn’t Feel Sexy.

“The best place your wife can get affirmation from is you.”

Her body has changed since having kids. She knows it and she probably
thinks about it all the time, constantly comparing herself to other
women. Even when she returns to her pre-kid body, I guarantee she’s
still comparing–desperate for affirmation. The best place she can get it is from you.

Action: Affirm her. She needs to feel your passion for her in
your words, body language, and eyes. Tell her she’s sexy and
why—particularly when she makes a negative comment about herself. When
you get home from work, greet her with a long hug and kiss before you
greet the kids. Look into her eyes and don’t be in a hurry to look away.
When you’re out, direct your eyes to her rather than other places. Give
her a look that communicates, in a room full of people, she’s the only
one you want to talk to.

The best place your wife can get affirmation from is you.

3. Her Sexual Appetite is Naturally Not as Strong as Yours.

Studies show that over the course of a relationship, a woman’s desire
for sex decreases while her desire for tenderness increases. The
problem is that our desire for sex stays just as high as always. Even at
its highest state, her appetite might not have been as high as yours
and probably never will be.

Action: Recognize this reality and be patient with her. Reach out
to her with physical and emotional tenderness. That’s what she wants
and needs. Try to meet her needs before your own.

4. She is Tired, Stressed, or Depressed.

Motherhood is exhausting, emotionally draining and stressful. Once again, depending on the depth of her anxiety and/or depression you may want to seek counseling.

Action: Give her some rest. Take the kids out for a day, run some
errands for her, or clean the house. If she is stressed or depressed,
rub her shoulders without her asking you. Give her a foot or full body
massage. Tell her to kick back and relax. Give her music to listen to
and light some candles. Take her tension away.

5. She’s Focused on Being a Mom, Not a Wife.

Women put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the perfect mom–to
have it all together. They beat themselves up for every little mistake
or lack of knowledge. They compare and can obsess on eliminating
imperfections. Sometimes our relationship as husband and wife gets lost.

That’s not good. Your intimate relationship is important and needs her attention too.

Action: You need to talk to her about how you feel. However, make
sure you are not prosecuting or pressuring her. Encourage her about how amazing she is as a mom. Let her know though that you miss her, want
her, and desire her. It might even be okay to use the word jealous here.
Your biggest concern should be for more intimacy–a significant need for
each of you.

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