Early in our marriage, my husband and I didn’t give much thought to
the types of sex all couples should have. Within a few years, though, he
was assigned a work shift of 4 pm to midnight, which easily could have
taken a huge toll on our intimacy.
The odd work shift challenged us to
get really good at planning sex. He eventually moved back to a day
shift, but planned sex is still a vital aspect of our lovemaking.
There are types of sex all couples should have if they want to not
only navigate the journey of marriage but also enjoy it. Here are 5 types of sex all couples should have.
When it comes to the types of sex all couples should have, not too
many people have a positive outlook on planned sex. We tend to think
that if we schedule it, then it will lack the romance we associate with
good lovemaking. That mindset, though, could be hurting sexual intimacy
in your marriage. A better truth to embrace is that many of the best moments in our lives are planned. Vacations. Lunch dates with friends. Birthday celebrations. Holiday gatherings. Maybe a better word would be intentional. When you and your wife intentionally set aside time to make love, you are saying with your words and actions sex is a priority. With the chaotic schedules many of us face on any given day, if we aren’t planning at least some of our sexual encounters, we’re probably not having much sex.
Yes, I just was singing the praises of planned sex, but couples also
should be having spontaneous sex! When you and your wife make the most of the sexual opportunity windows that open with little notice, you keep the passion alive.
Spontaneous sex is unscripted, sometimes quick and sometimes drawn out, but always powerful in reminding a couple of the freedom and fun found in sexual pleasure.
As for the types of sex all couples should have, spontaneous sex
possibly is the one we should pursue the most. Doing so sets in place a
healthy pattern of sexual oneness, the effects of which are profound to your overall relationship.
I remember an evening when I pulled into the driveway after picking
up my son from basketball practice, only to see two people trying to
break in our basement door.
They ran away, of course, and never did gain entry. Both my husband and I were shaken by the experience as we
reflected on it later that night. Do you know what I wanted to do more
than anything else in that moment of angst and uncertainty? I wanted to
make love. Why? I needed the comfort and assurance of being in my husband’s arms to quell my anxious heart.
I’ve talked with enough couples to know that stress-relief sex is
uniquely reassuring. It is a type of comfort only the two of you can
give each other, which makes it even more tender and intimate. When
life’s unpredictability and tragedy throw you off course, consider
connecting sexually with your wife.
Lovemaking releases endorphins and
hormones that naturally help us sleep better and give us a better
outlook on life. Often, the best thing you can do after a stressful day is have sex.
Sometimes you have to take one for the team. Calling this team sex
seemed inappropriate, so let’s go with selfless sex.
There are times
when you don’t feel like having sex, but you should consider it because
you and your wife are a team.
It’s not that you can’t say “no,” because marriage should be a place of grace where you can decline sex for
legitimate reasons. Is your desire to say “no” rooted in a legitimate
reason? If not, then consider how beneficial it could be to make love to
The key to this is to respond to her initiation kindly, rather than begrudgingly. Ask her to do the same when you want to have sex, but she isn’t in the mood.
All couples should have sex that is occasionally adventurous. Adventurous can mean anything from trying a new position or touch to drawing out foreplay to having sex someplace other than your bed.
As long as you are maintaining exclusivity and privacy, you have tremendous freedom to find new ways to sexually please each other.